When i was young, in orphanage there were many teams came and most of them are from church. They played some dramas for us, only actions and music were heard. A man came out and with another man with white shirt and the man with white shirt left. There was a lady came out with cards and the man followed her, then another girl came she had drugs in her hands the guy followed her. The third person came out with gun, he taught him how to use it and the last one a lady came out, she had pretty look and he went with her by gave her his heart, she played with the heart, she threw the heart up high and the man looked pale. Finally she smacked it and left. He was with troubles, problems surrounded him. The man with white shirt came out, the man was surrounded by those people and the man with white shirt wide his arms his neck turned down and those people laughed, but he raised up his neck and those people fell down. He took that man up and someone cam out and explained it to us. The man with white shirt was Jesus and the man was represented us.When i was young i didn't what love tasted like, what is the broken heart, how it pain or feel when someone play your heart. I only thought that, that was a drama.
I felt guilty when i left my two Cambodian exs, they cherished me a lot. I didn't try hard to take good care of my first ex-girlfriend. We loved each other and we kept talking on phone with each other everyday. We met each other every Saturday and Sunday, I showed everyone that we are couple. But i knew exactly she felt jealous when i closed to a girl. She went back to her ex one week later, one of our friend asked me, why did you ask her to break up? I was in wonder, no i did not. She added, your girlfriend said you facebooked her to break up. I was shock and ask her to see my facebook chat history, i didn't ask her to break up, i said. But actually i knew she was not happy to see me close with other girl. I didn't complain, but it was hurt to see her with her ex walked passed me. I found some more reasons after that, but it was too late.
I broke another girl's heart, she was my classmate, we studied with each other for four years. We liked each other in Secondary school, i was like 17. Started with a confusion, she hit me with a mop because she though i threw something at her from outside. When i put my head up to a window she hit me on my head. From then we started to like each other. We didn't have phone in that time, i wrote letters to her why my ugly hand writing. I kept helping her in class, like giving her answers by writing in answers in paper. I liked her a lot, we were always see each other. I didn't know what was love look like, taste like. I just like her and made daydreaming. We lost contact when we graduated, but she found me and called to my number. We kept talking on phone with each other, but in that time was with my first ex. We were like friend, kept talking. One night she asked me a serious decision, friend or girlfriend. Actually i was not sure to take it or not. But i said yes and we started it the relationship. It didn't last long, we went out to park, we went to each together ... quite a lot but not much memory. I asked her to break up for a reason. Honestly i don't want her to get deep hurt, because i didn't really love her. There were many walls between us that we can't go through.I felt sorry to hurt them.
To my turn, i gave my heart to three girls, you may laugh when i only know each other through internet and i fell in love with my Laos girl. I felt i like her a lot, her attitudes are really like to Cambodian girls. We facebooked to each other, we skyped with each other, we shared stories, we laughed when we shared jokes, i hoped in what we promise, there were many problems across over our relationship. I am a jealousy boyfriend, some time she was so strange to me, i needed to learn about her, the relationship lasted quite long. I woke up and online skype, we chatted, we talked ... everyday thinking about her. All my heart gave to her, but we broke up, because it was so hard for us, long distance is hard to maintain. I could have published a book, if i have saved the chat history. My friend laughed at me and asked do you really love her, even you never seen her in real life? I cried when she didn't trust me, i was totally faithful to her. I asked myself, why? Now i found some reasons. Feeling insecure, feeling sad, feeling worried, mixed feel.. She had all of this.
To the second girl, she stole my first kiss, she stole my heart too. She is a serious girl, she didn't think we could continue our relationship. So, i showed her my her my heart and she took it and left. Nothing much sharing about her, we didn't have much memory.
To the last girl, that was like a revenge. I hurt her when we met in the first time and she hurt me in both times. She was hurt in the first time, i saw it, but i didn't want something stupid would happened to us in that time. i tried to run away from her. I saw her heart broken, i am sad to see that. She went back to her world and we started our first relationship. I didn't spend much time to chat with her(two weeks oversea), it was a busy time in my life. I decided to give my heart to her, she asked me to be friend. My heart was so pain and broken. i was not ready to accept her request. I have no faith with long distance. But two times i felt hurt, if i took my heart out of my body, i think i can see wholes on it. She is the last girl i gave my heart to, she is the girl i decided to stay with, but no, it is impossible. I keep praying for her and i know one day she will feel it, she may meet a guy who has much greater love than me. The one who can warm her heart, the one who can make her happy, the one who can bring her joyful life. Long distance is like a piece of chopstick, it is easy to break, hard to maintain. Long distance needs two true hearts, talk to each other more than jealous or angry. Forgive more than forget, hope more than worry. Long distance needs caring, needs understanding, need trusting. I am sad that we can't stay with each other any longer.
Life is unfair, we have different thought, lifestyle, culture ... but we have same heart. I am sorry to those people i hurt them, sorry to those people that i didn't understand them. I pray for them to meet someone nicer than me. I am so so sorry that i hurt you.
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| I love you. |
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