Saturday, February 22, 2014
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Home Vs Orphanage
I would like to tell you all about myself and my life's stream. My name is Ngoun Pintok(petok), I was born in year of dragon(my mother did not remember my birth date). My father's name is Kim Jueng married to a lady and after the war she passed away and he married to my mother, Srey Sok Khuen.
In a cold night in a small village small Pintok was born. He is the fifth child in the family, he was living with his other four siblings. One year later another sister was born into this family. Her name is Raksmei(sunshine). Here we go, the oldest brother is Tal married to a widow Shinuen and have a daughter who named Kinny, the second oldest is Vita, she is a single lady, now she is a preacher in her church(Holy Church), the third one is Sreytang, she married to Dara and has two boys Mesa and cutest Johnny( now Johnny and Mesa is with Vita the aunty) Sreytang is working in a garment factory and her husband works as phone seller( own a phone shop) and let's move to the fourth one, Vitou is the fourth brother married to Neary and both of them working in an orphanage, he works as a principle and his wife works as a cook. Second last is Vitok(pintok) he is currently studying in an IT institute in year fourth, he is doing his internship with an organization with IT skill( IT supporter) for three months. The last one is Raksmei, she quitted school in early 2013 for a reason, she needs to work for her better life.
It was a happy family with six children, the elders went to fields looked after the animals and Vitok was with his mom and his youngest one. The family seemed not so poor, they have enough foods to eat and the kids can go to school(but the school was very low quality, because it was in an early start of the state after the war). Around five years later the man(His father) of the family fell sick and he passed away. The lady needed to look after 6 kids.
The Separations: The mother moved with her five children to the town(Kompong Thom town) and left the oldest son(different mother) to look after the lands(Properties). In the town the family was supported by the mother's youngest brother, he was a rich guy. He bought a block land for the family, living there about two years, Vitou was sent to live with an aunty living in the capital city(Phnom Penh), Vita stayed with the uncle and served in the family with Sreytang and Vitok was sent to a aunty in his home land( his father oldest sister, Parch).
Life in Kompong Thom town was a bit hard, the mother made cakes and Vitok was a seller as Vita and other were shy to go out and sell. Three siblings went to school in Kompong Thom town and Vitok sold cake along small markets and big markets, he walked pass house to house to the town market, it is about five kilo meters walk. Along the way, most of the place he sold were gambling area such as cards playing, chicken fighters and also school. He saw other children in school and one day he saw a boy and he think that boy was his brother(Vitou). He felt want to study, but no one could help the mother. There were tons of memories he made in the town, the friends who he had passed by, family he was staying with. The years were gone.
The peaceful land: After two years in Town Vitok moved to the place where his first place was. He lived with the lovely aunty(his father oldest sister) who took good care of him, she loved him as a grandson. But life needs to challenge, again he needed to sell cake(orange cake). The aunty made cakes for him to sell in villages, one day he went under a bed and found cake core(it is make from beans and rice with coconut, sweet and yummy) and he ate some of them and the aunty came and knew that he is eating them, she said " Meo Meo stealing my cake-core, haha." She never beat him, she loved him(she passed away when he was in first year in university) he only had chance to talk with her on phone, her voice was soft, he went to a trip with the school, he though she may have to stayed in the hospital for long and the sickness condition may not so serious. But it was a big regret for him, he didn't even see her face in the last breath). At night he was with her and she hugged him and sang songs for him to sleep. She was a great lady in his life. She bathed and cleaned his wounds and protected him from the other boys in village. One year later he moved to her daughter house in the same village(his homeland), he needed to go to field with his cousins and friends. worked in farm, fishing, lived as a rural life. He took care of a buffal, he needed to take care of the house when nobody home a little bit responding he took. After a year later his mother took him to another place far away from his homeland, his friends, his relatives, his lovely aunty and moved to live with his mother's sister in a countryside. He went out to cut grasses for the cows, caught mice, fishery, he felt only water in his life out there. One day the whole family went out and left him alone. No money were left to him, he used rice to exchange with eggs and cook them. This was the first biggest responsible in his life, that was not so warm as he was with his lovely aunty no more songs before sleep, he was separately when he slept. He went to school as the other kids, that was second school life after he left the homeland. He again studied in the same grade(primary one). He was about nine years old or ten, one day he was sick in school and a teacher gave him a para-cetamol to drop the temperature down. This was one of a big memory in his journey of life. He had new friends life was a bit tough, but it was life. He was like a small jay without nest, he felt cold when it was raining and he needed to dry himself, unlike when he was with the mother and the aunty in his homeland. One or two years had passed, he was sent to his homeland for a short time and moved back to city with Vitou for another short time and lastly he was sent to a orphanage.
New life with big group: His mother was with him for a short time in the orphanage and later on she left him in the orphanage. In 03 January, 1999, Pintok(Vitok) was officially lived in an orphanage center, he met with a lady that he had never met before then the lady asked him to go to another lady and she asked him to find a place to stay. He heard people called the lady, mother. and also other ladies and gentlemen, mother and father. They called the elders bong(brother or sister), the mothers and fathers looked so fierce to him. He started to cry in the evening, because he missed his lovely aunty in his homeland. He missed his mother, every time he heard a strange lady's voice he thought that was his mother's voice. He went to primary school and he was in grade two, the teacher looked like his father, he felt that he was his father. In the orphanage, there were many bigger brothers liked to bully him, they like to make him cry. They seemed they had much fun, but he didn't enjoy it. There were many gardens, he needed to join the activities that the orphanage gave him to do. He slept with other kids, he ate with a group of boys, he showered water vegetables before going to school, he needed to do house work(in turns), pumping water, clean the orphanage area, clean the house. It was more harder than the older life that he had passed by, not with the works, he didn't feel much warm in his heart, he lived with fears and worries. He thought, if he does something wrong and the orphanage expel him out, who could bring him home? He didn't know how to go to his homeland, how to contact his mother. He missed his family, his siblings, his homeland, almost every evening he cried and missed his aunty. He scared that he would have gotten punished, if he had done something wrong. The orphanage didn't call it punishment, they called it discipline. But as he was young, he lived with fear, if he does thing wrongly, he will get punish. He would have beaten with stick, stand or expel if the problem is big. One day he fought with a boy and both of them got beaten with a stick. It was very poor the orphanage didn't have enough foods for them to eat, they grew their own vegetables and rice and fish-canes were supported by an UN program(World Food Program). This remind him about a scary thing in life, once when an UN WFP truck came and put-down the stuffs into warehouse, they were checking whether the orphanage needs cooking oil or not, Vitok stood next to them, he said "in the warehouse there are many oil, why we still need it" an orphanage staff with high voice order to a mother who took care of him "bring vitok to the back", he was very shock, but the mother didn't know anything about the matter and she asked him, what happened? he said, "no, i don't know anything neither". One other big thing he was worried about, there was a big problem in the orphanage in that time and the orphanage wanted to expel a family, but they didn't told the kids, they said those kids who has family and relatives will leave by tomorrow. He was very worry and scared. But finally not, only that family was expel and when he grew older he found the reason behind it. People came passed by his life, visitors visited him and gone, new staffs came and old staffs left him, some friends left the orphanage... His mother visited him some time in public holidays, one day his youngest sister visited him with his mother, he was very happy. He didn't remember, around one or two years later three other siblings were sent to the orphanage together with him.
Siblings in group: Vita, Vitou and Raksmei were sent to live with him, he felt more confident and he forgot everything. He didn't really rely on his siblings, because they also couldn't help. In a time he ask his sister to wash his cloths and the orphanage didn't allow his sister to do it, he needed to learn to do it by his own, he was big enough to do it by his own; a principle said. Yes, it was true, he was around 13 or 14 in that time. Vita became a staff, worked as a librarian. He forgot the aunty and friends out there at his homeland. He became more confident, lived by his own and learned from other people, started to think and had a dream. He learned a lot from the leaders in that age.
Eighty percent independent: In late 2007 the founder of the orphanage, the mother and heroine mother, the mother of orphans passed away. New leadership came out, with a new leader. They had more helps from other donors. Children dreamed higher, children often can go out to the real social. Some youths were selected to join camping with other youths from other churches. They had a soccer team which can play with other team and got to know the other, the works for the orphans were cut down, the children only go to school and do some house works, very little work for them to do. Those who study hard will be rewarded, they can continue their university if their high school examination results are good, grade A to D. The staffs can't heat the kids, no more threat. The orphanage will give them money to buy their uniform for high school students, university students need to cook by themselves, no more cook for them(Learn to live by themselves). Instead of heating or threaten by using encourage or cutting the pocket money. Only one he saw the new director heat a boy, because he stole money from a team, but after beat him with sticks, he walked with the boy and shared with him. Vitok could see the brotherhood in him(new director). Vitok learned a lot from this guy. Vtiok is one of the university student, he was selected to join many leadership programs.
The observation: The children need loves, I found that family is more warm. We want to see the community developed and their choices is not living with the orphanage, they need to grow in the community, the real society. Ninety percents of poor families think that, orphanage could give their children future as my mother thought. But they don't see what are the dis-advantages for the kids, the emotional growth, the attachment between family and them, the physical grow. I felt better when i was with my aunties than the orphanage. The growth is very different between me and my friends in high school. They said I played like a kid(my behavior), my actions like a small boy. I had my own independent when I was in university and it started to grow, even I joined many training courses. In high school, I didn't even know how much the belt is. I felt like I am only a four years old kid. Children need to grow, so it is a good way to develop the community, the children need to grow with the real family and community. If the kids don't have parents they should stay with their trusted relatives. Ninety percent of orphans still have their living relatives. Some NGOs are working with this, they support the kids by letting them to stay with their relatives. Education support, daily support are supported by the NGO. Okay, let's think a bit about the expenses for an orphanage. How much do you need to buy or rent a hectare of land? how much do you need to pay for staffs who takes care of them(driver, nannies, cooks, teachers, office staffs) their salaries? Buildings, water, electricity, cloths,.... etcs. What if an NGO works with authority and support them by letting them to live with their relatives? I think some concern will come up, we should put the orphanage to be the last choice for the orphans. Trusted relatives are the first choice, maybe some people will concern about violence or corruption, authority can helps to protect them, what i mean trusted relatives is, the relatives who loves that orphans, who really cares and has big heart. My opinion is, children should be stayed with their relatives with support from a NGO, food, and study support. NGO will cover up with authority to check with the families who work with the orphans. The children will grow in the real society. They will know what is real life.
Orphanage should pay more attention on their children, shouldn't put much pressure on them. Gives them more loves, train the staffs who working with children. The staffs should be single or widows who has no children with. Some time the staffs don't give enough love to the kids, because their children are staying with them. Orphanage should have more programs which give the children to know about the world outside( real life). Such as, take some teens to market with the staffs when they go buy foods, do sports, let them visit their relatives in summer holiday for a bout 2 or 4 weeks. Orphanage needs to develop to be family.
Finally I am apologize, if there are any mistakes in my though that i shared with you. We are a big family of our Father and the children need love. My prayer is with all the orphans around the world, the orphans who lives with relatives or orphanages. I pray that, let those people have mercy on you as their blood children, let your relatives and orphanages love you as their beloved children. The Lord Almighty God is with you and He will give you justice and LOVE. Amen
In a cold night in a small village small Pintok was born. He is the fifth child in the family, he was living with his other four siblings. One year later another sister was born into this family. Her name is Raksmei(sunshine). Here we go, the oldest brother is Tal married to a widow Shinuen and have a daughter who named Kinny, the second oldest is Vita, she is a single lady, now she is a preacher in her church(Holy Church), the third one is Sreytang, she married to Dara and has two boys Mesa and cutest Johnny( now Johnny and Mesa is with Vita the aunty) Sreytang is working in a garment factory and her husband works as phone seller( own a phone shop) and let's move to the fourth one, Vitou is the fourth brother married to Neary and both of them working in an orphanage, he works as a principle and his wife works as a cook. Second last is Vitok(pintok) he is currently studying in an IT institute in year fourth, he is doing his internship with an organization with IT skill( IT supporter) for three months. The last one is Raksmei, she quitted school in early 2013 for a reason, she needs to work for her better life.
It was a happy family with six children, the elders went to fields looked after the animals and Vitok was with his mom and his youngest one. The family seemed not so poor, they have enough foods to eat and the kids can go to school(but the school was very low quality, because it was in an early start of the state after the war). Around five years later the man(His father) of the family fell sick and he passed away. The lady needed to look after 6 kids.
The Separations: The mother moved with her five children to the town(Kompong Thom town) and left the oldest son(different mother) to look after the lands(Properties). In the town the family was supported by the mother's youngest brother, he was a rich guy. He bought a block land for the family, living there about two years, Vitou was sent to live with an aunty living in the capital city(Phnom Penh), Vita stayed with the uncle and served in the family with Sreytang and Vitok was sent to a aunty in his home land( his father oldest sister, Parch).
Life in Kompong Thom town was a bit hard, the mother made cakes and Vitok was a seller as Vita and other were shy to go out and sell. Three siblings went to school in Kompong Thom town and Vitok sold cake along small markets and big markets, he walked pass house to house to the town market, it is about five kilo meters walk. Along the way, most of the place he sold were gambling area such as cards playing, chicken fighters and also school. He saw other children in school and one day he saw a boy and he think that boy was his brother(Vitou). He felt want to study, but no one could help the mother. There were tons of memories he made in the town, the friends who he had passed by, family he was staying with. The years were gone.
The peaceful land: After two years in Town Vitok moved to the place where his first place was. He lived with the lovely aunty(his father oldest sister) who took good care of him, she loved him as a grandson. But life needs to challenge, again he needed to sell cake(orange cake). The aunty made cakes for him to sell in villages, one day he went under a bed and found cake core(it is make from beans and rice with coconut, sweet and yummy) and he ate some of them and the aunty came and knew that he is eating them, she said " Meo Meo stealing my cake-core, haha." She never beat him, she loved him(she passed away when he was in first year in university) he only had chance to talk with her on phone, her voice was soft, he went to a trip with the school, he though she may have to stayed in the hospital for long and the sickness condition may not so serious. But it was a big regret for him, he didn't even see her face in the last breath). At night he was with her and she hugged him and sang songs for him to sleep. She was a great lady in his life. She bathed and cleaned his wounds and protected him from the other boys in village. One year later he moved to her daughter house in the same village(his homeland), he needed to go to field with his cousins and friends. worked in farm, fishing, lived as a rural life. He took care of a buffal, he needed to take care of the house when nobody home a little bit responding he took. After a year later his mother took him to another place far away from his homeland, his friends, his relatives, his lovely aunty and moved to live with his mother's sister in a countryside. He went out to cut grasses for the cows, caught mice, fishery, he felt only water in his life out there. One day the whole family went out and left him alone. No money were left to him, he used rice to exchange with eggs and cook them. This was the first biggest responsible in his life, that was not so warm as he was with his lovely aunty no more songs before sleep, he was separately when he slept. He went to school as the other kids, that was second school life after he left the homeland. He again studied in the same grade(primary one). He was about nine years old or ten, one day he was sick in school and a teacher gave him a para-cetamol to drop the temperature down. This was one of a big memory in his journey of life. He had new friends life was a bit tough, but it was life. He was like a small jay without nest, he felt cold when it was raining and he needed to dry himself, unlike when he was with the mother and the aunty in his homeland. One or two years had passed, he was sent to his homeland for a short time and moved back to city with Vitou for another short time and lastly he was sent to a orphanage.
New life with big group: His mother was with him for a short time in the orphanage and later on she left him in the orphanage. In 03 January, 1999, Pintok(Vitok) was officially lived in an orphanage center, he met with a lady that he had never met before then the lady asked him to go to another lady and she asked him to find a place to stay. He heard people called the lady, mother. and also other ladies and gentlemen, mother and father. They called the elders bong(brother or sister), the mothers and fathers looked so fierce to him. He started to cry in the evening, because he missed his lovely aunty in his homeland. He missed his mother, every time he heard a strange lady's voice he thought that was his mother's voice. He went to primary school and he was in grade two, the teacher looked like his father, he felt that he was his father. In the orphanage, there were many bigger brothers liked to bully him, they like to make him cry. They seemed they had much fun, but he didn't enjoy it. There were many gardens, he needed to join the activities that the orphanage gave him to do. He slept with other kids, he ate with a group of boys, he showered water vegetables before going to school, he needed to do house work(in turns), pumping water, clean the orphanage area, clean the house. It was more harder than the older life that he had passed by, not with the works, he didn't feel much warm in his heart, he lived with fears and worries. He thought, if he does something wrong and the orphanage expel him out, who could bring him home? He didn't know how to go to his homeland, how to contact his mother. He missed his family, his siblings, his homeland, almost every evening he cried and missed his aunty. He scared that he would have gotten punished, if he had done something wrong. The orphanage didn't call it punishment, they called it discipline. But as he was young, he lived with fear, if he does thing wrongly, he will get punish. He would have beaten with stick, stand or expel if the problem is big. One day he fought with a boy and both of them got beaten with a stick. It was very poor the orphanage didn't have enough foods for them to eat, they grew their own vegetables and rice and fish-canes were supported by an UN program(World Food Program). This remind him about a scary thing in life, once when an UN WFP truck came and put-down the stuffs into warehouse, they were checking whether the orphanage needs cooking oil or not, Vitok stood next to them, he said "in the warehouse there are many oil, why we still need it" an orphanage staff with high voice order to a mother who took care of him "bring vitok to the back", he was very shock, but the mother didn't know anything about the matter and she asked him, what happened? he said, "no, i don't know anything neither". One other big thing he was worried about, there was a big problem in the orphanage in that time and the orphanage wanted to expel a family, but they didn't told the kids, they said those kids who has family and relatives will leave by tomorrow. He was very worry and scared. But finally not, only that family was expel and when he grew older he found the reason behind it. People came passed by his life, visitors visited him and gone, new staffs came and old staffs left him, some friends left the orphanage... His mother visited him some time in public holidays, one day his youngest sister visited him with his mother, he was very happy. He didn't remember, around one or two years later three other siblings were sent to the orphanage together with him.
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| The left Nget Heng, middle Vitou and me the red one |
Eighty percent independent: In late 2007 the founder of the orphanage, the mother and heroine mother, the mother of orphans passed away. New leadership came out, with a new leader. They had more helps from other donors. Children dreamed higher, children often can go out to the real social. Some youths were selected to join camping with other youths from other churches. They had a soccer team which can play with other team and got to know the other, the works for the orphans were cut down, the children only go to school and do some house works, very little work for them to do. Those who study hard will be rewarded, they can continue their university if their high school examination results are good, grade A to D. The staffs can't heat the kids, no more threat. The orphanage will give them money to buy their uniform for high school students, university students need to cook by themselves, no more cook for them(Learn to live by themselves). Instead of heating or threaten by using encourage or cutting the pocket money. Only one he saw the new director heat a boy, because he stole money from a team, but after beat him with sticks, he walked with the boy and shared with him. Vitok could see the brotherhood in him(new director). Vitok learned a lot from this guy. Vtiok is one of the university student, he was selected to join many leadership programs.
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| We joined a soccer league Christian Fellowship, late 2013 |
Orphanage should pay more attention on their children, shouldn't put much pressure on them. Gives them more loves, train the staffs who working with children. The staffs should be single or widows who has no children with. Some time the staffs don't give enough love to the kids, because their children are staying with them. Orphanage should have more programs which give the children to know about the world outside( real life). Such as, take some teens to market with the staffs when they go buy foods, do sports, let them visit their relatives in summer holiday for a bout 2 or 4 weeks. Orphanage needs to develop to be family.
Finally I am apologize, if there are any mistakes in my though that i shared with you. We are a big family of our Father and the children need love. My prayer is with all the orphans around the world, the orphans who lives with relatives or orphanages. I pray that, let those people have mercy on you as their blood children, let your relatives and orphanages love you as their beloved children. The Lord Almighty God is with you and He will give you justice and LOVE. Amen
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| Everyone needs love and care, they are born to be loved. |
Monday, February 17, 2014
SINGAPORA TRIP
I got a information from my director Bun Toksela that I was selected to join a trip to Singapore. I was think, whether I go or not, but when the time as closer, I found that I really wanted to go there. I applied my passport and waited for it to come out. The departure date and the passport seemed not well, I mean the passport need to wait for one month and the departure date was not told. I was not sure whether I could go or not. The second problem was my examination, my midterm was so close and I asked my director and he told the departure date and i got the schedule for exam after it, lastly I found that the exam was just good for me, the exam started a day after my trip.
It was so great, my first flight was begun and I could sit in the plane and i could see many stars that night. I wrote a note to my dear girl. I told everything to her, I was very busy in Singapore and she got angry with me. But I did not even have time to take a nap. It was not really a trip, but it was like a mixed trip, haha. We went to the YMCA of Singapore, we went to The Singapore Universal Studio, we went to the City Harvest Church and we went to Meleka, i bought a necklace for my girl in Meleka.
We had very little time to chat with each other. I found this today, why she decided to leave that time. She told me that I didn't spend time to chat with her and my friend was always chatted with her. So this is called distance relationship. So this is the second time we are together again. She is so special to me, i wished to stay with her. I hope one day my dream will come true.
It was so great, my first flight was begun and I could sit in the plane and i could see many stars that night. I wrote a note to my dear girl. I told everything to her, I was very busy in Singapore and she got angry with me. But I did not even have time to take a nap. It was not really a trip, but it was like a mixed trip, haha. We went to the YMCA of Singapore, we went to The Singapore Universal Studio, we went to the City Harvest Church and we went to Meleka, i bought a necklace for my girl in Meleka.
We had very little time to chat with each other. I found this today, why she decided to leave that time. She told me that I didn't spend time to chat with her and my friend was always chatted with her. So this is called distance relationship. So this is the second time we are together again. She is so special to me, i wished to stay with her. I hope one day my dream will come true.
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| Worshiping God the Almighty with the holy people. |
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| a dinner with awesome people <3 |
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| With my special people ever <3 |
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| Leaving Cambodia to the other land !!!! |
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| A step out !!! |
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| first time on plane !!! |
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| first starbucks coffee :D |
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| With beloved people |
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| Devotion !!! |
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| With the star *** |
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| fund raising for Unacas with Nam the left and Seila the right !!! |
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| Beedo Beedo, we were in a cinema Cathey !!!!! |
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| Sarah the star and me the ..... |
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| Y=Name, M=Seila, C=Vitok, A=Vita |
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| Went to a elderly center to visit the elders people, helping to set up emails for them. |
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| Letters for ourselves. |
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| With the defender Victor from YMCA (: |
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| Thanks God It's Friday (: |
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| Emerge 10 City Harvest Church (: |
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| SMRT |
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Betraying God is more painful
Taking shower without my clothe and i see myself naked. I asked myself, who am i? Why i keep doing sins against my Father!!! Most of the time i think i am special, but i know i am just a simple and useless person. Some time i asking myself, why should i live on earth? What is the reason that i need to continue to live?
I committed a sin against God, i asked for forgiveness while i still haven't forgiven my friends. Oh, dear, life is hard, life is about something you need to challenge. Forgiveness is the most important thing in this world, if you still keep it in your mind, you will not live happily.
Love is not about sex, love is about making love. Love is about caring and responding. Love is about making each other feel warm. Puzzle need other pieces to connect to each other to form a picture. Chains need to connect to each other to pull something, love needs relationship, real relationship, faithful relationship. I'm in love with a girl, and i ask myself, who am i? Can i support her when she with me? What can i do, when we have children? Where will we live? How many children do we need?
Sorry the tittle is not really match with the body of this topic. I just want to share my feeling. I am so stress and so pain about my love relationship. I always ask why the girl that i love always ask me to go? Why the girl that i am not really want to stay with really need me?
I was thinking i am a special one, a girl from oversea visited me in second time. But i forgot not only me she talked to. I always thing i am special, but lastly i found that i am not really. i wonder why my heart is so weak? It is my first time to see triangle love, tasted it and i felt it, painful, painful ... She asked me, ''do you feel jealous? '' She added, she felt very pain when i did it to her.
I found that everything is my faults, only me made it and only me stop it. Dear God i am sorry for what i have done to harm other beloved people, i am just a sinner. I pray that one day you will be saved, i love you and i am praying for you. I am sorry that i hurt you. Sorry to all the people that i made them sad.
** sorry my grammar and spelling may have problems.
I committed a sin against God, i asked for forgiveness while i still haven't forgiven my friends. Oh, dear, life is hard, life is about something you need to challenge. Forgiveness is the most important thing in this world, if you still keep it in your mind, you will not live happily.
Love is not about sex, love is about making love. Love is about caring and responding. Love is about making each other feel warm. Puzzle need other pieces to connect to each other to form a picture. Chains need to connect to each other to pull something, love needs relationship, real relationship, faithful relationship. I'm in love with a girl, and i ask myself, who am i? Can i support her when she with me? What can i do, when we have children? Where will we live? How many children do we need?
Sorry the tittle is not really match with the body of this topic. I just want to share my feeling. I am so stress and so pain about my love relationship. I always ask why the girl that i love always ask me to go? Why the girl that i am not really want to stay with really need me?
I was thinking i am a special one, a girl from oversea visited me in second time. But i forgot not only me she talked to. I always thing i am special, but lastly i found that i am not really. i wonder why my heart is so weak? It is my first time to see triangle love, tasted it and i felt it, painful, painful ... She asked me, ''do you feel jealous? '' She added, she felt very pain when i did it to her.
I found that everything is my faults, only me made it and only me stop it. Dear God i am sorry for what i have done to harm other beloved people, i am just a sinner. I pray that one day you will be saved, i love you and i am praying for you. I am sorry that i hurt you. Sorry to all the people that i made them sad.
** sorry my grammar and spelling may have problems.
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